Uh oh, Here We Go...

Things went pretty smoothly for the first few weeks of school.

I suffered a personal setback when I was laid off from my job and suddenly had to face the pressure of looking for another one again.  The very day I was told, I got a call from Ms Margot, just wanting to tell me how much she was enjoying working with Katie and that she was a very sweet little girl.  She also said, "I just wanted to tell you, Katie is very proud of the work you do, working with homeless people.  She told us all about how you help people who've never even had their own bed before."  I broke down crying then, telling her I'd just lost the job Katie was so proud of!  

By the end of Sept. Kate started having some conflicts with some classmates and a couple days in a row she came out to the car after school with her backpack held up covering her face like a shield because she didn't want people to see she was crying.  

When I talked to her the first day, she told me another girl got mad at her for "just being herself".  I asked what just being herself meant, and Katie did admit that she was being kinda goofy (she'd announced that she'd just farted). A girl at her table, Takyra, told Katie she was annoying (BIG trigger word for Kate!!) and went and told the teacher on her.  Though the teacher said nothing to her about it, Katie felt herself to be "in trouble" over it and she started to cry (she does any time an adult is brought into things).  She said she wished Takyra would have just asked her to stop instead of going to tell the teacher right away.  

The next day she came out to the car crying again.  This time she'd wanted to read a book Takyra had, and had asked Takyra to let her have it when she finished.  Instead Takyra gave it to someone else.  Katie confronted her about it, reminding her that she'd asked to have it next and Takyra told her she didn't need to cry over every little thing and to stop being such a baby (another major trigger word!).  Kate says she wasn't even crying at first when she was confronting her, it was only "after she said those things" that she'd started to cry, so it wasn't even fair, coz she wasn't even crying!  "Ugh, Takyra is so mean!!"

Self-Regulation Stragtegies for Children Autism, ADHD, and Sensory Disorders

When I came across registration information for the above titled seminar, I knew immediately that I had to attend!  This would be a whole day of discussion with a true expert and could help me personally as well as with info for my thesis paper.

It was scheduled for mid-July, so in early July I got out a bunch of my SPD related books and started rereading them so I would have all the info fresh in my mind.  As I did so I began to seriously question myself as a mother, wondering if I had discounted sensory issues Katie might still be experiencing that just weren't as obvious as they used to be.  

In her book, Sensational Kids: Hope and Help for Children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), leading researcher Lucy Jane Miller describes a day in the life of a sensory over-responsive child.  As I read through this, I found myself repeatedly thinking, "My god, what if Katie is experiencing that too, and just doesn't know how to say so?"  When she was very young it was easy to see when Kate's senses were overloaded because she over-reacted violently, screaming and panicking.  What if, now that she's older, she's still being triggered by tons of things in the environment, but internalizes it instead of acting out the way she used to?  I had just kind of assumed that a lot of these things weren't a problem for her anymore, but what if they were?  What if these were the underlying roots of her struggles at school?  I felt like an idiot for having dismissed it all, and began looking at her in a whole new light as I reread my books and attended the conference.

The conference was very good, by the way.  Sponsored by Pesi, it featured Teresa Garland, MOT, OTR speaking to and with us about the techniques laid out in her new book, Self-Regulation Interventions and Strategies: Keeping the Body, Mind & Emotions on Task in Children with Autism, ADHD or Sensory Disorders.  This is an excellent resource for parents and others with lots of simple practical ideas.

End of a difficult year

You're probably tired of hearing me complain about Kate's school, but there were just a couple more issues I'll mention to close out that school year.

The 504 plan had stated a place would be provided for Katie to go to calm down when she got upset.  At home she has a small space behind an armchair where she likes to go, which she calls her Katie Space.  She craves the tight confined space, similar to Temple Grandin's squeeze boxes, only without any actual pressure.  No space was specifically provided at school, so Katie improvised by curling up in the space under her desk.  This was not acceptable to her homeroom teacher, however, and she felt she was "yelled at" for doing it.  Here she was, recognizing her body's need to re-regulate itself to calm down and trying to self sooth, and she felt she was punished for it.  I can understand that having her under the desk might not be ideal and could be distracting to others in class, so the teacher had every right to say this was not a valid option, but then GIVE HER ANOTHER OPTION!  

Another trick Katie tried to use to limit distractions from other kids around her while she was working was setting opened folders in front of her at the corners of her desk to sort of screen herself in, as had been suggested by another teacher a previous year.  This too was met with disapproval by her teacher, and she was not allowed to use them.  Here again, the poor girl is recognizing her need for a strategy and trying to problem solve for herself, and is met with (in her eyes) condemnation. 

What would have been the final straw, if I had heard of it before the last week or so of the school year was when Kate came home upset one day, reporting it had been the worst day of her life (not unusual that year).  When asked why, she became teary and told me she had been upset about something and was crying in class.  "But Mr Bush didn't even notice me or say anything!", she moaned.  "Finally, I just went up to him to tell him about it, but he just put up his hand (in a "talk-to-the-hand" type gesture) and said, 'Nope! Katie, nope, that's drama. Drama, drama, we're not gonna have drama now.  Go back to your seat.' "

Now, I understand that there are some attention seeking children who will and do create drama just to get adults' attention, and need boundaries set about when and how their issues will be addressed.  But that is not Katie.  When a child with identified special emotional needs comes to you crying, they need something from you. Their equilibrium is upset, and they need help to regulate themselves back to a balanced state.  Dismissing the child out of hand and telling her to go away with her messy emotions is about as far from what she needs as you can get.  

It was then that it became clear to me what her homeroom teacher's view of Katie and her needs was, and just what an oppressive environment she had been struggling in all year.  Here is the sort of person whose basic philosophy is that kids with struggles should "just toughen up and get over it".  "Quit being such a baby and just deal with it".  My God! Don't you think they would if they could?!  Do you think they enjoy going to pieces over seemingly little things in front of all their peers??! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for them to lose emotional control in front of everyone!? 

I found it interesting to note on her report card that in the columns marked 'Uses CARES skills'  (Cooperation, Assertion, Responsibility, Empathy, and Self-Control.) all of her other teachers said Katie did this consistently, while her homeroom teacher said only sometimes. Clearly, they were not well matched.  I still think about writing that teacher a letter to let him know how badly he dropped the ball with Katie. What a chance he had to make a real difference in her life at a really hard time, and how he'd missed it.  I had been so excited for her to have a male teacher for a strong male influence in her life, since her father is so uninvolved.  Having his support and encouragement could have given her such confidence and strength.  Instead, she got the same message I'm afraid she often get's at her Dad's house, "Quit being such a baby and just toughen up."

The Best Laid (504) Plans Gang Aft Agley

There was one more thing I wanted to implement to try to improve the school situation, but since it had taken so long to get the plan in place to start with, I didn't want to try to get it added as an official accommodation just yet.

At Kate's previous school each child was given a student planner in which to write down their daily homework, which the parent would then review and initial each day, keeping abreast of what homework was being completed, or not.  There was also space for notes back and forth between parents and teachers.  Kate's new school did not use these, but has a loose sheet called Peek-at-the-Week on which kids were meant to write their homework instead.  Well, the Peek being an individual, loose sheet, Katie inevitably lost/forgot it 99% of the time, so instead I bought a tough notebook with a folder inside to use in it's place.

I spoke with the coordinator and he approved its use, so the first day I sent it I wrote to her teachers:
In addition to the measures outlined in the 504 plan, I would appreciate it if we could use this notebook for regular communication about things for Katie.  I was told she would receive a wipe-off checklist for when she gets to her desk in the morning (re:  turning in finished homework, etc) and one for organizing at the end of the day.  So far she reports that she hasn't gotten anything like this.  Can you please check into that?

She has a hard time remembering to give me parent notes that are sent home, so please see that anything like that is put in the folder in here so I have one place to look for all communication.  
Enclosed there now is the signed copy of the 504 plan which she was supposed to turn in a week ago and I just found at the bottom of her backpack while writing this!
Please feel free to write any notes to me, or else please just initial & date so I know you saw this every day.  Thank you -

I thought this was a reasonable request and was hopeful it would open communication so I would have a better handle on how things were going each day.  The two main teachers endorsed its use the first day I sent it to school, but it was tough getting it worked into the routine.  Neither teacher had bothered to take the signed 504 plan out of the enclosed folder and pass it on to the services coordinator over the next two days and I had to write another note asking them to do so!  When Katie repeatedly brought it home unsigned I wasn't sure if she wasn't showing it to them each day, or they just weren't signing, so I wrote again, saying "If Katie doesn't show this notebook to you on her own PLEASE ASK FOR IT!"  One teacher began to use it fairly regularly, but her homeroom teacher rarely did.  A permission slip and check for a field trip sat in the folder for a week until I wrote another note asking them to check it every day.  One teacher included occasional little notes about behavior/emotional problems on some days, but her homeroom teacher only ever just initialed, so I wasn't kept aware of these issues in his class.

Power Struggle Stand-Off

We are in the middle of being held hostage by my daughter's unreasonable behavior, and I HATE it!

Katie has had very little homework sent home so far this year, so we haven't had much chance to get into a regular routine for doing it.  Recently she has started to have occasional worksheets, but has been giving me a lot of hassle when it comes to actually sitting down and doing them.  We talked about this with her therapist last week and Kate said she was embarrassed and ashamed of herself to have me call her on it and promised to do better, understanding that she needs to get her work out of the way first thing before doing other activities at night.

But today she came home and immediately got resistant when I asked if she has homework.  I don't mind giving them a little bit of time to unwind when they first get home from school, so I told her she could watch one episode of one of her shows, but then it was time for work.  She has watched the show, but now refuses to take out the homework.  Threw herself on the floor, rolling around saying, "I won't, I won't" and getting herself all worked up.  

Then she tried to claim that Ms Katie had told her whenever she was feeling upset she could just play a game with me to help her calm down.  I told her that wasn't meant for this type of situation, but she has been laying on the floor refusing to work until I play a game.  I said I'd be happy to play a game when the homework is done, but not before.  We are at a stalemate, as she says she is happy to lay there on the floor until I play a game, and I clearly am not going to give in and play any games until the homework is done, if then.  

Just now she ramped up the tantrum even more, screaming so she can't even hear the instructions I'm trying to give her.  So I yelled once, to get her attention and tell her to listen to what I'm saying, but now she is screaming and carrying on that she's scared of me because I yelled.  I am at my wit's and and want to pull my hair out, or thrash her within an inch of her life, so I said she needed to go to her room and be away from me right now.  She's currently in the bedroom screaming about how much I hate her and no one cares about her.  I hate this kind of situation when there is nothing I can do, just feeling hostage to my own child.

Starting Therapy

Just before the end of the school year last spring I got Katie started seeing a child therapist at Nystrom & Associates right here near us.  Her therapist's name also happens to be Katie (actually part of what helped me decide to choose her!), so she is known as Miss Katie in our house.  At first it was hard to explain exactly what is was I was bringing Kate there to work on.  She doesn't have the sort of meltdowns we used to have so frequently anymore.  But with all that has been going on, all the change and restrictions with living with Grandma, I thought it would be good for Katie to have someone to process it all with.  We also saw her pediatrician and got her Prozac dosage raised to 20 mg/daily since everything in our world seemed so up in the air and unsettled and there have been a lot of adjustments to go through.  

Katie likes visiting Miss Katie, especially because she is sometimes allowed to draw on her large windows with special markers! (Kate is quite the little artist!!)  At first Katie was doing a lot of complaining about things that go on at her dad's house and why she did not like going up there for his weekends.  That was hard for me to hear because there is really nothing I can do about any of that.  A change in Rob's work schedule at the beginning of the summer made some changes that I think have made things better for her now, and Rob and Mary were good enough to come down and meet with Miss Katie and Kate to talk about some of her concerns, so at least she got to feel like she was heard.

We're working on Katie taking control of her reactions when she has negative feelings, learning how to calm her body down and not over react.  She has admitted that she doesn't have the fits of temper at Rob's house that she does at mine occasionally, so we are trying to explore why that is and what we can do about it.  (My personal opinion is that she is too intimidated by Rob and Mary to misbehave around them and holds herself together out of pure fear.)  I do admit that my consistency in following through with discipline hasn't been as strong as it should be. She definitely has a knack for wearing me down, so it is a learning experience for us both.

First Twins Game

Melanie's All-District Choir was singing the national Anthem at the Twins game tonight.  Quite an honor! This was the first Twins game for both of my girls, and my first time at the new stadium.  Kate was over-the-moon excited!  We had seats directly behind home plate, but very high up, and she was very nervous about walking up the steep steps to get to them. We both felt a bit dizzy at first being up so high, and looking down so far, so steeply. 

She thoroughly enjoyed the first 4 innings, but then started to get whiny.  She really wanted me to buy her a hat, but they are crazy expensive there and I said no, so she fussed and pouted.  Then she realized that the cameras showing people in the stands didn't seem to be showing people way up at  the top, so she wouldn't be able to be on TV, and that was the last straw.  She declared that this was not as fun as she thought it was going to be and she was sooo disappointed, and the only thing that could stop her crying would be a hat or being on TV.  She was "sooo bored", but absolutely did not want to leave early. We held in through the 7th inning and then left to get ahead of the crowds.  

She griped and groaned all the way to the car and fussed and cried all the way home, talking about how she always has such "bad luck", that her friends give her "bad luck" and nothing she does ever turns out good, and it never will.  She feels her "senses" make it too hard for her to go to school and she just wishes she could be "normal".  

She looks at the other kids and wonders what it's like to be "normal" like them.  My mom was with us and told her she needed to start thinking positively and not be determined to be miserable, but Katie only grunted at her.  SO, frustrating and exhausting to spend a big, special night trying to have a good time together, which she really did for a while, only to have her weep and moan later that it was not good enough.  I know it was partially because she was so over tired, but it's still hard to listen to her agrue that everything is awful and nothing can make it any better.

Terror in the night

Poor Katelyn had the very worst scare of her life (and she has lots of scares!) in the wee hours of this morning.  I heard her go to the bathroom and go back into her room.  Then there was a strangled sort of scream and she started screeching for me.  I went in to see what was wrong and she said, "The window! There's words on the window!."  Sure enough, through the glow of the nighttime light you could clearly read, "U will die!" written on the window with someone's finger sometime when the window had been foggy. When she came back in her room it was directly in her eye line, and she can read now, so she understood immediately!  She was absolutely out of her mind terrified, wouldn't even walk past the window to go into my room to sleep. I have to admit, it was awfully creepy in the middle of the night, even though I knew it had to have been Melanie and not any sort of ghoul.

She came in my bed, but was so shook up she couldn't settle down and go back to sleep, just tossed and turned and whimpered.  About 2 hours later she screams again, certain she saw something moving in my open closet. I convince her there's nothing, but she is back on high alert again. Maybe half an hours later an absolutely blood curdling scream as she sat bolt upright in the bed, grabbing for me.  "Turn on the light! Turn on the light!"  then  "I heard a voice!! There was a really deep voice talking to me!!"

She was absolutely, terrified and convinced she'd heard something and I just didn't believe her.  She sat wide-eyed and trembling, looking all around, and couldn't even stand to lay down again, being in total fight-or-flight mode and feeling too vulnerable if she lay down.  

When she finally could lay down again she was stiff and trembling, and plastered herself to me.  She insisted we keep the light on and was afraid to try to go back to sleep in case she had more bad thoughts.  To take her mind off it, I tried to get her to think about the Twins game we're going to tonight, her first. Talked her through visualizing walking in the gates and finding our seats, seeing all the people and smelling the foods.  That finally helped, she got on a roll talking about it, and then kept talking. I let her keep talking to keep her mind occupied and she finally fell asleep around 6 am.  I was going to let her sleep in and go to school late if she stayed asleep, but she popped up about 7:30 and was eager to get ready for the day.  Hopefully her meds will carry her through most of the day before she collapses of exhaustion.  Don't know what to expect for the game tonight.

Awfully sick, awfully unhappy girl.  Kate's got a rotten cold (or is it allergies?) and is feeling miserable today.  We were supposed to go to a movie this afternoon, but she is so weepy and moany-groany that we are gonna have to wait for another day, which of course is causing even more tears.

Oh my goodness!  I am completely wrung out and in the depths of despair.  Single parenting is awful and I am ready to throw in the towel. Can't stop crying. Thank GOD it's Rob's weekend!

Kate came home from school and immediately lost her mind over having to go to Dad's for the weekend.  She still hasn't gotten over the fact that they were with him 3 weekends in a row because of Easter and felt it was "not fair" that they only had one weekend home with me again.  She threw herself on the floor and began screaming that she was not getting in the car, but then did come when Melanie and I went to leave.  She got in crying and started screaming that she was "not going to get out of this car" when we got there.  She was crying and blubbering hysterically, and I felt I needed the mental break more than ever!  

Kate was determined to cry/scream the whole way there, though I warned she was going to end up with a sore throat.  There didn't seem to be anything I could do, because if I stopped she'd be getting her way, and I really needed to get away from her for a while.  Figured I just needed to try to ignore her to show her she can't manipulate me with her tantrums, but that was really tough.  I turned up the radio, but could hardly hear over her noise.  Eventually I decided to call Rob and let her talk to him.  I got his voice mail and don't know if he could even hear the message I left over her screaming in the background, but he called back before long and I made her talk to him.  I wanted him to hear from her himself the things she complains to me about about being at his house.  By now I was in tears as well, so extremely frustrated and feeling so helpless, and then Melanie broke down too because I was crying and she didn't want to listen to Katie's tantrum all the way there. We got to Elk River before she finally stopped.

After she talked to Rob she continued to fuss for a while, but then fell asleep, having exhausted herself.  But I was so overwhelmed and exhausted I couldn't stop crying from time to time.  She woke up as we passed Princeton and started right in again with how unfair it was and how mean everyone is to her, etc., etc.  I dropped them at the house, where she clung to me and begged me not to leave.  Then I went a couple blocks away to where Rob was working to talk to him about it all.  

I walked up to him crying and sunk my head on his chest, just wanting a moment of understanding and support, an arm around my shoulders telling me it's gonna be ok, we are supposed to be partners in this after all, but he wouldn't touch me.  I continued to cry as I told him about all we'd been going through this school year and especially the last month or so, and finally about getting her started on meds yesterday.  His step-son has struggled with ADHD as well, so he's actually pretty familiar with working on finding the right dose of meds and the emotional upheaval of getting used to new meds, etc.  So at least he'll take the situation seriously.

I drove home feeling absolutely alone and overwhelmed. Still crying and utterly exhausted.  I know this may sound kind of harsh of me to "ignore" her distress and force her to go when she clearly didn't want to, but I NEEDED to get away from her for that time.  I actually spanked her last night when she was throwing a fit (and then immediately felt worse and apologized) but I was just that close to the edge and really could not handle it anymore.  Please God help things level out next week!

"Can't You just teach me Mommy?"

Horrible, agonizing morning.  Katie has really latched on to the idea of a medication that can help her concentrate, and has herself convinced that she is worthless without it.  She begged me not to make her go to school again until she had "that pill".  I just held her, heartbroken and sobbing, and felt completely at a loss as to what to say to her.  She says her teacher "doesn't do a thing about it", but when I ask her what she would like her to do to help, she doesn't know.  She wants me to teach her at home instead, because I've already learned all the stuff she's learning, so I can just tell it to her.  This morning she sobbed, "I'm just a piece of paper!" and asked what she meant, she said, "I just lay there and I can't even do anything!"  She was desperate to know when we would be able to see the doctor about the medication, and refused to go to school unless I came with her and asked the teacher if she had sent in her portion of the assessment questionnaire.  I did drive her to school and came in to talk to the teacher and just let her know how bad things were this morning and how vulnerable Kate is feeling so she can do as much as she can to try to boost her confidence.

Today is one of those days when I really hate being a single parent, particularly of a child with special needs. I almost called her dad this morning, when she was screaming that she would never go back to school, to let him try to talk to her, but also just for him to experience some of this tough shit that I have to go through on a daily basis.  It is so exhausting and overwhelming!

Thankfully the doctor's office did call this morning, and we got an appointment this week already on Thursday, so hopefully she will be relieved to hear that.

Re-Evaluating

Took Katie back to the Katie Lady yesterday to be re-evaluated to be covered for some more OT.  Her first round of OT was summer of 2010 and discharged when she started Kindergarten.  She has done really well for about a year, but now in the last couple months we've been having a lot more of the old-style meltdowns again, so I wanted to see if more OT could help at all.  The problem is that since SPD isn't quite considered a medical condition, OT has to be submitted/billed as fine or gross motor delay, rather than the sensory problems.  Yesterday Katie performed a lot better on the gross motor tests than Katie Lady had expected (guess she's made a lot of progress in the meantime!), so she is not sure if her evaluation will be considered enough to qualify for the services.  Now we wait and hope.

I think it's also time for me to look for a psychologist for her to see as well.  Anyone have any recommendations of someone familiar with SPD?  It's so hard to know just which symptoms/behaviors are specifically caused by sensory issues and which are issues of the control that she feels she needs because of the instability of her experience of the world because of the sensory issues.  Katie Lady suggested that maybe some of the behaviors are now learned responses that began when she had no better tools of expression, and continue now, even though they are out of proportion, because she hasn't learned alternative ways to express herself.  So some sort of behavioral therapy might be the thing to give her skills to regulate her emotions.

Fear Where Others Find Fun

Picture an average kindergartener going to a cousin's birthday party.  She looks forward to it with great anticipation, but problems arise where there is supposed to be fun.  The party is at Pump-It-Up, an indoor inflatable play place, and for extra fun, it's a glow-in-the-dark party, so the lights are off and instead there are star-like sparkles and disco lights flashing.  It looks really cool and the pumpin' music completes the scene.  While the cousin and his friends tumble down the inflatable slide and bounce houses, Katelyn is paralyzed with fear.  She cries and clings to me, insisting on being held, and begging to go home.


Katie has always had a serious fear of the dark.  Having difficulty with vestibular input, she can't sense where her body is in relation to her surroundings, so she usually relies on her sight to clue her in, but can't in the dark.  She finds the flashing lights disorienting  The music everyone else finds fun feels like an assault to her sensitive ears, as do the screams and squeals of fun from all the other kids.  While Katie loves the proprioceptive input of bouncing and jumping, she only feels safe doing it on her own terms, with no one else around to bump into her or wiggle the inflatable unpredictably.  At a party, though, she can't get the bounce house all to herself, so she just sits in the corner of it and screams if anyone else gets too boisterous.  Every movement feels to her like being tossed on a stormy sea.  She is in perpetual fight-or-flight mode as her body tells her she is in great danger.

Perfectionism

There are some of Katie's struggles that  I find hard to connect to the SPD, and this is one of them.  One of the reasons I still wonder if I shouldn't have her in for further evaluation somewhere.  So, other professionals reading this, let me know what you think.

Katelyn sometimes holds herself to a very high standard of perfection on certain tasks, and then completely loses it if/when she makes a mistake.  Take valentines, for instance.  Katie was so excited to pick out cards for her first valentine's exchange, and the day the class list came home she sat down immediately to begin writing in the names.  Katie actually has quite good handwriting for kindergarten, and for a child with SPD, whose fine motor skills are often poor.  But, inevitably, she would get the first few letters too big and not have room for a last letter, or decided a certain letter didn't look the way it should, and her world was fit to end right then and there.  Wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued.  She'd throw down the pen and scatter the cards, crying that it was "all ruined now" and she'd "never do this right, never!".  Thank goodness we had more cards than we needed, because she could not be convinced that any of the mistakes were salvageable with a little correction, but had to start over on them completely after a good 30+ minute cooling off period.

Same sort of reaction last week when she drew pictures for her dad, step-mom and step-brothers to take to them when they went for the weekend.  She made one for each, though they were not as elaborate as some of her usual drawings, and sure enough on the last one there was a spelling mishap!  Tears, tearing and crumpling of the offending paper ensued before she could be calmed and induced to try again, but then she'd lost the marker she'd been using, and none of the other colors would do, as they would not match, so she melted into a puddle again!  Good old Melanie finally found the original color, and all was sorted in the end for delivery the next morning.  But, about half an hour into our drive up north there is an ear piercing screech from the back seat, the cause of which cannot be immediately deciphered through all the crying, but turns out to be that she has somehow forgotten one of the pictures at home and it is an inconsolable loss.  We remedy the situation with a quick stop at the nearest store for paper and markers, and the universe is in balance again, after a few more stifled sobs.

I don't know why she is so hard on herself this way sometimes, but it is the most heartbreaking thing you'd ever want to see.  The level of anxiety she lives with on a daily basis is just so much higher than most kids her age, and I don't know how to help her.

Other Auditory Symptoms

• Runs away, cries, and/or covers ears with loud or unexpected sounds.
• May dislike going to movie theaters, parades, concerts, etc.

Not 15 minutes ago Kate deafened me with an ear piercing scream when one of their little neighborhood friends knocked on the door.  That is one specific unexpected sound that gets her every time. (Highly irritating in the spring and summer when kids are constantly coming around!).

Katie likes going to the movies now, but the first time I tried to take her to one (Kung Fu Panda) was an utter failure.  The loud theater volume and giant screen were too much for her about half way through, but Melly was enjoying it, so I had to walk Kate around the empty theater hallways for a good 45 minutes to let Mel see the end, peeking in on her every few minutes to make sure she was ok all alone in there.  Another of the trials of single parenting!

We've actually been to two movies in the last month (a record for us!) and though Kate is excited to go, she does complain that they are too loud at first and petered out on them about half way through.  She wanted to leave Rango about midway through, and then insisted on snuggling on my lap when I said we couldn't leave.  She buried her head in my chest and fell asleep.  I chalked that up to her having been up too late the night before.  But then last weekend we went to HOP, and half way through she got really restless again.  She had insisted on bringing her "blankie" because theater temps are famously erratic, but she ended up using it to cover her head and trying to snuggle up on my lap again.  Just realizing as I write this that maybe this is a protective response to being overstimulated by the theater experience, since she has more than enough attention span to watch full length movies at home. Hmmm....

Symptoms- Frequently asks people to be quiet; i.e., stop making noise, talking or singing. Appears to "make noise for noise's sake".

Here she can be such a contradiction.  She does ask us to be quiet a lot.  She cannot stand either me or Melanie singing, though we're not really any worse than anyone else.  And sometimes she's just in a snit and can't even stand to hear us talk.  Her play with her baby dolls frequently involves the whole household needing to adhere to a strict silence so her "baby" can "sleep", and breaches of this order can result in reactions equal to that of mothers of colicy infants in similar situations.

On the other hand, she makes so much noise herself that I sometimes fear I'll lose my mind!  She has not really ever learned to whisper, and has none of the usual social inhibition that others naturally feel in quieter environments.  She loves musical instruments and what she lacks in skill with them she makes up for in gusto and persistence.

It's one of the ironies of SPD that the very stimulation they cannot stand from the outside, they often can't get enough of if they create it themselves.  It seems like they're experimenting with that type of stimuli in ways that feels safe because they are controlling it.  It's also known that sensory disregulation often means that they don't experience the same stimuli the same way every time.  What is too loud today may seem too soft to hear tomorrow.  That's what's so stressful for these kids, their world is completely unpredictable!

Swinging & Spinning ! Hooray! - June/July 2006

Katelyn absolutely LOVED her Johnny-Jump-Up swing!  (You know, one of those suspended seat swings you hang from a doorway.)  She could not seem to get enough!  But then, quite suddenly, when she'd had enough, she'd really had enough and had to get out of that thing immediately!

Melly and Kate w/Daddy - July 4, 2006

Noisy toys suddenly could not be noisy enough either.  She loved one rattle in particular that was much louder than all the rest, and became very upset at day care if she saw another baby playing with the rattle there that was identical to ours.  She was voicing a lot of frustration with her quick temper and loudly demanded help immediately.  She wasn't babbling much, but would say "Mom!" quite forcefully when angry.  She was slow using her legs and got around just pulling herself by her arms for a long time.  Her first 4th of July she watched the fireworks calmly, while Melanie covered her ears.