Oh my goodness!  I am completely wrung out and in the depths of despair.  Single parenting is awful and I am ready to throw in the towel. Can't stop crying. Thank GOD it's Rob's weekend!

Kate came home from school and immediately lost her mind over having to go to Dad's for the weekend.  She still hasn't gotten over the fact that they were with him 3 weekends in a row because of Easter and felt it was "not fair" that they only had one weekend home with me again.  She threw herself on the floor and began screaming that she was not getting in the car, but then did come when Melanie and I went to leave.  She got in crying and started screaming that she was "not going to get out of this car" when we got there.  She was crying and blubbering hysterically, and I felt I needed the mental break more than ever!  

Kate was determined to cry/scream the whole way there, though I warned she was going to end up with a sore throat.  There didn't seem to be anything I could do, because if I stopped she'd be getting her way, and I really needed to get away from her for a while.  Figured I just needed to try to ignore her to show her she can't manipulate me with her tantrums, but that was really tough.  I turned up the radio, but could hardly hear over her noise.  Eventually I decided to call Rob and let her talk to him.  I got his voice mail and don't know if he could even hear the message I left over her screaming in the background, but he called back before long and I made her talk to him.  I wanted him to hear from her himself the things she complains to me about about being at his house.  By now I was in tears as well, so extremely frustrated and feeling so helpless, and then Melanie broke down too because I was crying and she didn't want to listen to Katie's tantrum all the way there. We got to Elk River before she finally stopped.

After she talked to Rob she continued to fuss for a while, but then fell asleep, having exhausted herself.  But I was so overwhelmed and exhausted I couldn't stop crying from time to time.  She woke up as we passed Princeton and started right in again with how unfair it was and how mean everyone is to her, etc., etc.  I dropped them at the house, where she clung to me and begged me not to leave.  Then I went a couple blocks away to where Rob was working to talk to him about it all.  

I walked up to him crying and sunk my head on his chest, just wanting a moment of understanding and support, an arm around my shoulders telling me it's gonna be ok, we are supposed to be partners in this after all, but he wouldn't touch me.  I continued to cry as I told him about all we'd been going through this school year and especially the last month or so, and finally about getting her started on meds yesterday.  His step-son has struggled with ADHD as well, so he's actually pretty familiar with working on finding the right dose of meds and the emotional upheaval of getting used to new meds, etc.  So at least he'll take the situation seriously.

I drove home feeling absolutely alone and overwhelmed. Still crying and utterly exhausted.  I know this may sound kind of harsh of me to "ignore" her distress and force her to go when she clearly didn't want to, but I NEEDED to get away from her for that time.  I actually spanked her last night when she was throwing a fit (and then immediately felt worse and apologized) but I was just that close to the edge and really could not handle it anymore.  Please God help things level out next week!

Separation and Divorce- March 2006

After 10 years of marriage, my husband Rob decided to leave and moved out of the house.  Our relationship had been rocky all along, but I'd stuck through it, believing it was God's will for marriages to be worked out, and knowing how important a strong family base was for our children. We'd been to marriage therapy two different times over the years, but with little result.  We never fought, and as far as I knew he was content with things the way they were, so his leaving came as a surprise.

Because of his crazy work schedule, the girls hadn't seen Rob for days at a time anyway, so his absence was not as severe a change as it might have been.  My family was all in the Minneapolis area, so we moved in with my mother to be closer to their help and support until I could get settled again.