Showing posts with label Melanie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Melanie. Show all posts
Friday, June 1, 2012
Bitter Disappointment
Katie's class is taking a field trip to Como zoo on the last day of school and she begged me to sign up to be a chaperone. She was so psyched to have me coming with her class and couldn't wait to show me to her friends. But today Melanie brought home a paper inviting me to the 5th Grade Graduation at school on the same date and time. Obviously the graduation is a big deal for Mel, so I will definitely be there, and that means no zoo. Just broke the news to Katie and she absolutely lost it. Threw herself on the floor, writhing in agony/hysteria. "NO! NO! This can't be happening! This can't be happening to me! I'm gonna die! I just wanna die!!" and such. Poor Melanie burst into tears and fled to her room to get away from Katie's screaming. I left Kate rolling on the floor and went to comfort Melanie. She was hurt that Katie always seems to have things her way and doesn't care about anything that's important to Melanie. Hurt that there should even be any question of my not attending her graduation. She definitely gets the short end of the stick a lot of the time when we have to cater to Kate's needs and she is such a trooper for dealing with it as well as she does. I let her know there was no way I'd miss her graduation and that I am very proud of her.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Early morning blowup
Rough start this morning for seemingly no reason.
Katie has been sleeping in my bed for a couple weeks now since she was really sick and fussing all night. Then, once she was better, she continued to want to sleep in my bed, and actually goes to bed voluntarily and stays in the bed in there, so I've let her stay rather than have our nightly battles. She's easy to sleep with because she doesn't like to be touched in her sleep (and neither do I!) so she stays as far away from me as physically possible, so it's almost like she's not even there. Poor Melanie is jealous, as she likes to snuggle and always wants to sleep with me, but she is very clingy at night, and thrashes and kicks so I get no sleep! Trying to point out to her that at least this way it's like she has her own bedroom.
Anyhoo- with the brighter light in the mornings, Kate's been waking plenty early (6:30-7:00 instead of 8:00 or later). 6:50 this morning she decided she wanted the Kid's Cuisine frozen meal she had refused last night. I, however, was not willing to make said meal for breakfast and told her she could have it for dinner. This was highly objectionable to Katie and she absolutely lost it! She sat on the bed and screamed at the top of her lungs! "I want it! I want it! I want it!' and just plain all-out blood curdling scream. I picked her up and placed her in the hall, telling her she could not be in my bed if she chose to act that way. So she screamed even more forcefully, as I closed my eyes to pretend to ignore her.
In a few seconds she gave up on impressing me and went into the other room to scream at Melanie, hoping to get a reaction I'd have to respond to. Mel did well though and didn't get sucked in (way to go baby!) and pretty soon Kate was back in my room, complaining that she just could not stop crying, which I did not fall for, and eventually asking me not to say anything if/when she calmed herself down. This is quite an improvement from a year ago at this time when she would have carried this fit on for an hour or more. Sucks that it happens at all, and in the moment my eardrums were about to burst it felt like an eternity, but she is finally learning to calm down on her own in a comparably short time.
This is one of the incidents where I can't see a clear connection to the SPD, she shouldn't have been overwhelmed first thing in the morning. These incidents still make me think there might be something more underlying the SPD, and still shake my self confidence as a parent, wondering if she really is a brat too. Believe me, I don't have all the answers yet, this blog is about my ongoing journey.
Katie has been sleeping in my bed for a couple weeks now since she was really sick and fussing all night. Then, once she was better, she continued to want to sleep in my bed, and actually goes to bed voluntarily and stays in the bed in there, so I've let her stay rather than have our nightly battles. She's easy to sleep with because she doesn't like to be touched in her sleep (and neither do I!) so she stays as far away from me as physically possible, so it's almost like she's not even there. Poor Melanie is jealous, as she likes to snuggle and always wants to sleep with me, but she is very clingy at night, and thrashes and kicks so I get no sleep! Trying to point out to her that at least this way it's like she has her own bedroom.
Anyhoo- with the brighter light in the mornings, Kate's been waking plenty early (6:30-7:00 instead of 8:00 or later). 6:50 this morning she decided she wanted the Kid's Cuisine frozen meal she had refused last night. I, however, was not willing to make said meal for breakfast and told her she could have it for dinner. This was highly objectionable to Katie and she absolutely lost it! She sat on the bed and screamed at the top of her lungs! "I want it! I want it! I want it!' and just plain all-out blood curdling scream. I picked her up and placed her in the hall, telling her she could not be in my bed if she chose to act that way. So she screamed even more forcefully, as I closed my eyes to pretend to ignore her.
In a few seconds she gave up on impressing me and went into the other room to scream at Melanie, hoping to get a reaction I'd have to respond to. Mel did well though and didn't get sucked in (way to go baby!) and pretty soon Kate was back in my room, complaining that she just could not stop crying, which I did not fall for, and eventually asking me not to say anything if/when she calmed herself down. This is quite an improvement from a year ago at this time when she would have carried this fit on for an hour or more. Sucks that it happens at all, and in the moment my eardrums were about to burst it felt like an eternity, but she is finally learning to calm down on her own in a comparably short time.
This is one of the incidents where I can't see a clear connection to the SPD, she shouldn't have been overwhelmed first thing in the morning. These incidents still make me think there might be something more underlying the SPD, and still shake my self confidence as a parent, wondering if she really is a brat too. Believe me, I don't have all the answers yet, this blog is about my ongoing journey.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Natural Development: First 7 months
There really wasn't anything very unusual about Katie as a baby. My memory of detail here is aided by the baby journal I kept.
At 2 wks. I noted that she had a "sweet and even temperament", hardly ever cried, and when she did Melanie covered her ears and ran away, or cried as well if she couldn't escape.
At 2 mo. she was overwhelmed/upset by the music and lights bar that dangled over her bouncy seat, so I removed it for the time being. She adored her Daddy, chattering and cooing at him, but no one else. She was easily upset by anything that made a lot of noise, which was hard for poor Melanie who tried to interact with her by rattling toys and things at her, which just made Katie cry, and poor Mel feel rejected.
Both of my girls preferred the more upright position of sleeping in their car seat rather than flat in their cribs for several months. Both girls were breast fed, but Katie seemed to have a harder time with it. My supply just didn't seem to be able to meet her demands, so I began supplementing her diet with formula as well. At 5 mo. I noted that she has having problems with constipation with the increased use of the formula.
At 6 mo. I noted that she was a voracious eater, was very upset by the crying of the other babies at the day care, which kept her from sleeping there. She was "a happy little honey" at home, but was having terrible stranger anxiety if anyone even looked at her.
Kate couldn't sit up independently as early as Melanie had, and at 7 mo. I noted that she "tried to sit, but fell on her face and got very angry". She had seemed to get over the stranger anxiety quite suddenly. She was babbling a lot of B consonant sounds, but otherwise just throaty noises. When I tried introducing finger foods she gagged on everything and became panic-y.
At 2 wks. I noted that she had a "sweet and even temperament", hardly ever cried, and when she did Melanie covered her ears and ran away, or cried as well if she couldn't escape.
At 2 mo. she was overwhelmed/upset by the music and lights bar that dangled over her bouncy seat, so I removed it for the time being. She adored her Daddy, chattering and cooing at him, but no one else. She was easily upset by anything that made a lot of noise, which was hard for poor Melanie who tried to interact with her by rattling toys and things at her, which just made Katie cry, and poor Mel feel rejected.
Both of my girls preferred the more upright position of sleeping in their car seat rather than flat in their cribs for several months. Both girls were breast fed, but Katie seemed to have a harder time with it. My supply just didn't seem to be able to meet her demands, so I began supplementing her diet with formula as well. At 5 mo. I noted that she has having problems with constipation with the increased use of the formula.
At 6 mo. I noted that she was a voracious eater, was very upset by the crying of the other babies at the day care, which kept her from sleeping there. She was "a happy little honey" at home, but was having terrible stranger anxiety if anyone even looked at her.
Kate couldn't sit up independently as early as Melanie had, and at 7 mo. I noted that she "tried to sit, but fell on her face and got very angry". She had seemed to get over the stranger anxiety quite suddenly. She was babbling a lot of B consonant sounds, but otherwise just throaty noises. When I tried introducing finger foods she gagged on everything and became panic-y.
From the beginning
In the interest of making this as complete a picture as possible, I'm going to start at the very beginning.
My first daughter, Melanie, the love of my life, changed my world forever when she was born, after a torturous 24 hours of labor, in August 2001. As so many parents will tell you, I had never known I could love anyone so much. She was a darling, an angel, the sweetest and easiest baby in the world.
She had an impressive vocabulary early on and also learned to sign a lot of words before she could say them. I LOVED signing with Melanie because it gave her the ability to tell me what she was thinking long before the words would come, allowing me to better meet her needs and share in her little world. Family and friends learned her signs too, and I cannot overstress how this eased so much frustration in those early years. We were all so impressed with what an easy going little girl Melanie was.
I left my job as a school based social worker when Melly was born, and took a part-time job at a day care center where she could come with me, though she was in the Infant room, while I worked with Toddlers. That first day I could hardly stand her being out of my sight, couldn't stand the idea of someone else trying to take care of her who didn't know her the way I did. I wanted to grab my baby and run!
But I didn't, and we got used to it. When Melly grew into the Toddler room I picked up full time hours and we spent all day, every day together. During this time my husband, Rob, was training to become, and then working as, an EMT, which involved very irregular hours, so Melly and I were often home alone. She was my world.
Around 2 years old Melanie became obsessed with wanting a baby sister. She would burst into tears, begging me to give her one. Rob and I had always planned on two kids. My first sister and I are 3 years apart, and I'd always thought I'd like that spacing for my children, plus, a good friend at the center was pregnant and it was giving me that baby itch, so we decided we'd see what we could do about giving Melly the baby she so wanted.
Heavy pregnancy in the summer months had been awful the first time around, so I calculated carefully to avoid repeating the same experience, also avoiding the time that would make the baby due around Christmas. Melanie had come along as a welcome surprise, but things were not so easy this time. Months went by, and after a year without results I became less picky about timing and began a course of fertility boosting medication.
We should have bought stock in pregnancy tests that year. I took so many and was disappointed so many times. Every woman in my church seemed to be pregnant but me, and with history of endometriosis in the family I wondered if God would ever answer my prayer. Still, I had one perfect child already, I told my self, it could be much worse. Side effects of the fertility medication were intolerable so that was dropped. And we waited, and I prayed.
New Year's Day 2005 we spent with family, and I was back home alone, while Rob was off to work, when the latest pee-stick finally had a + instead of a --. I was ecstatic! I called everyone immediately, not even waiting to see the doctor first. I was not nearly as sick this time as I had been with Melly, and this baby was crazy active, sometimes seeming like almost having seizures the movement was so fast, so I was sure it was a boy. Ultrasound at 20 weeks proved me wrong.
My water broke at home in the early hours of August 26th, and my mom arrived at our house in a severe thunderstorm to stay with Melanie, who had gone to bed the night before with an unexplained fever. Getting checked into the hospital and into bed I remember crying because I had not had a chance to say goodbye to Melly, and this exciting moment of Mommy leaving for the hospital that she'd waited so long for was happening without her.
I worried that whatever illness was causing Mel's fever would keep her from being able to come see the baby as soon as she was born, and cried because the plan we had rehearsed and anticipated so excitedly would have to be changed. I cried because she might really be sick and I couldn't take care of her. She might have to be kept away from me and the baby for a few days, when all I wanted was to share this with her. And even then, the baby's needs were going to have to come first most of the time and my poor little Melly wouldn't be able to have me when she wanted me and, Oh, how could I be doing this to her!
Katelyn Rose arrived after a fairly routine delivery. Since Rob, as an EMT had been trained for emergency delivery of babies, but had not yet ever done it, the doc stepped aside near the end and supervised Rob in the actual delivery. The look on his face was priceless. Compared to her 9 lb. big sister, at two weeks early, 6 lb. Katelyn was tiny, but perfectly healthy. Melly was not allowed to come that first day, but came to seen her the next day, wearing a surgical mask for protection. She was excited about the attention, but not all that interested in baby Katelyn herself.
My first daughter, Melanie, the love of my life, changed my world forever when she was born, after a torturous 24 hours of labor, in August 2001. As so many parents will tell you, I had never known I could love anyone so much. She was a darling, an angel, the sweetest and easiest baby in the world.
She had an impressive vocabulary early on and also learned to sign a lot of words before she could say them. I LOVED signing with Melanie because it gave her the ability to tell me what she was thinking long before the words would come, allowing me to better meet her needs and share in her little world. Family and friends learned her signs too, and I cannot overstress how this eased so much frustration in those early years. We were all so impressed with what an easy going little girl Melanie was.
I left my job as a school based social worker when Melly was born, and took a part-time job at a day care center where she could come with me, though she was in the Infant room, while I worked with Toddlers. That first day I could hardly stand her being out of my sight, couldn't stand the idea of someone else trying to take care of her who didn't know her the way I did. I wanted to grab my baby and run!
But I didn't, and we got used to it. When Melly grew into the Toddler room I picked up full time hours and we spent all day, every day together. During this time my husband, Rob, was training to become, and then working as, an EMT, which involved very irregular hours, so Melly and I were often home alone. She was my world.
Around 2 years old Melanie became obsessed with wanting a baby sister. She would burst into tears, begging me to give her one. Rob and I had always planned on two kids. My first sister and I are 3 years apart, and I'd always thought I'd like that spacing for my children, plus, a good friend at the center was pregnant and it was giving me that baby itch, so we decided we'd see what we could do about giving Melly the baby she so wanted.
Heavy pregnancy in the summer months had been awful the first time around, so I calculated carefully to avoid repeating the same experience, also avoiding the time that would make the baby due around Christmas. Melanie had come along as a welcome surprise, but things were not so easy this time. Months went by, and after a year without results I became less picky about timing and began a course of fertility boosting medication.
We should have bought stock in pregnancy tests that year. I took so many and was disappointed so many times. Every woman in my church seemed to be pregnant but me, and with history of endometriosis in the family I wondered if God would ever answer my prayer. Still, I had one perfect child already, I told my self, it could be much worse. Side effects of the fertility medication were intolerable so that was dropped. And we waited, and I prayed.
New Year's Day 2005 we spent with family, and I was back home alone, while Rob was off to work, when the latest pee-stick finally had a + instead of a --. I was ecstatic! I called everyone immediately, not even waiting to see the doctor first. I was not nearly as sick this time as I had been with Melly, and this baby was crazy active, sometimes seeming like almost having seizures the movement was so fast, so I was sure it was a boy. Ultrasound at 20 weeks proved me wrong.
My water broke at home in the early hours of August 26th, and my mom arrived at our house in a severe thunderstorm to stay with Melanie, who had gone to bed the night before with an unexplained fever. Getting checked into the hospital and into bed I remember crying because I had not had a chance to say goodbye to Melly, and this exciting moment of Mommy leaving for the hospital that she'd waited so long for was happening without her.
I worried that whatever illness was causing Mel's fever would keep her from being able to come see the baby as soon as she was born, and cried because the plan we had rehearsed and anticipated so excitedly would have to be changed. I cried because she might really be sick and I couldn't take care of her. She might have to be kept away from me and the baby for a few days, when all I wanted was to share this with her. And even then, the baby's needs were going to have to come first most of the time and my poor little Melly wouldn't be able to have me when she wanted me and, Oh, how could I be doing this to her!
Katelyn Rose arrived after a fairly routine delivery. Since Rob, as an EMT had been trained for emergency delivery of babies, but had not yet ever done it, the doc stepped aside near the end and supervised Rob in the actual delivery. The look on his face was priceless. Compared to her 9 lb. big sister, at two weeks early, 6 lb. Katelyn was tiny, but perfectly healthy. Melly was not allowed to come that first day, but came to seen her the next day, wearing a surgical mask for protection. She was excited about the attention, but not all that interested in baby Katelyn herself.
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