You're probably tired of hearing me complain about Kate's school, but there were just a couple more issues I'll mention to close out that school year.
The 504 plan had stated a place would be provided for Katie to go to calm down when she got upset. At home she has a small space behind an armchair where she likes to go, which she calls her Katie Space. She craves the tight confined space, similar to Temple Grandin's squeeze boxes, only without any actual pressure. No space was specifically provided at school, so Katie improvised by curling up in the space under her desk. This was not acceptable to her homeroom teacher, however, and she felt she was "yelled at" for doing it. Here she was, recognizing her body's need to re-regulate itself to calm down and trying to self sooth, and she felt she was punished for it. I can understand that having her under the desk might not be ideal and could be distracting to others in class, so the teacher had every right to say this was not a valid option, but then GIVE HER ANOTHER OPTION!
Another trick Katie tried to use to limit distractions from other kids around her while she was working was setting opened folders in front of her at the corners of her desk to sort of screen herself in, as had been suggested by another teacher a previous year. This too was met with disapproval by her teacher, and she was not allowed to use them. Here again, the poor girl is recognizing her need for a strategy and trying to problem solve for herself, and is met with (in her eyes) condemnation.
What would have been the final straw, if I had heard of it before the last week or so of the school year was when Kate came home upset one day, reporting it had been the worst day of her life (not unusual that year). When asked why, she became teary and told me she had been upset about something and was crying in class. "But Mr Bush didn't even notice me or say anything!", she moaned. "Finally, I just went up to him to tell him about it, but he just put up his hand (in a "talk-to-the-hand" type gesture) and said, 'Nope! Katie, nope, that's drama. Drama, drama, we're not gonna have drama now. Go back to your seat.' "
Now, I understand that there are some attention seeking children who will and do create drama just to get adults' attention, and need boundaries set about when and how their issues will be addressed. But that is not Katie. When a child with identified special emotional needs comes to you crying, they need something from you. Their equilibrium is upset, and they need help to regulate themselves back to a balanced state. Dismissing the child out of hand and telling her to go away with her messy emotions is about as far from what she needs as you can get.
It was then that it became clear to me what her homeroom teacher's view of Katie and her needs was, and just what an oppressive environment she had been struggling in all year. Here is the sort of person whose basic philosophy is that kids with struggles should "just toughen up and get over it". "Quit being such a baby and just deal with it". My God! Don't you think they would if they could?! Do you think they enjoy going to pieces over seemingly little things in front of all their peers??! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for them to lose emotional control in front of everyone!?
I found it interesting to note on her report card that in the columns marked 'Uses CARES skills' (Cooperation, Assertion, Responsibility, Empathy, and Self-Control.) all of her other teachers said Katie did this consistently, while her homeroom teacher said only sometimes. Clearly, they were not well matched. I still think about writing that teacher a letter to let him know how badly he dropped the ball with Katie. What a chance he had to make a real difference in her life at a really hard time, and how he'd missed it. I had been so excited for her to have a male teacher for a strong male influence in her life, since her father is so uninvolved. Having his support and encouragement could have given her such confidence and strength. Instead, she got the same message I'm afraid she often get's at her Dad's house, "Quit being such a baby and just toughen up."
No comments:
Post a Comment