My first daughter, Melanie, the love of my life, changed my world forever when she was born, after a torturous 24 hours of labor, in August 2001. As so many parents will tell you, I had never known I could love anyone so much. She was a darling, an angel, the sweetest and easiest baby in the world.
She had an impressive vocabulary early on and also learned to sign a lot of words before she could say them. I LOVED signing with Melanie because it gave her the ability to tell me what she was thinking long before the words would come, allowing me to better meet her needs and share in her little world. Family and friends learned her signs too, and I cannot overstress how this eased so much frustration in those early years. We were all so impressed with what an easy going little girl Melanie was.
I left my job as a school based social worker when Melly was born, and took a part-time job at a day care center where she could come with me, though she was in the Infant room, while I worked with Toddlers. That first day I could hardly stand her being out of my sight, couldn't stand the idea of someone else trying to take care of her who didn't know her the way I did. I wanted to grab my baby and run!
But I didn't, and we got used to it. When Melly grew into the Toddler room I picked up full time hours and we spent all day, every day together. During this time my husband, Rob, was training to become, and then working as, an EMT, which involved very irregular hours, so Melly and I were often home alone. She was my world.
Around 2 years old Melanie became obsessed with wanting a baby sister. She would burst into tears, begging me to give her one. Rob and I had always planned on two kids. My first sister and I are 3 years apart, and I'd always thought I'd like that spacing for my children, plus, a good friend at the center was pregnant and it was giving me that baby itch, so we decided we'd see what we could do about giving Melly the baby she so wanted.
Heavy pregnancy in the summer months had been awful the first time around, so I calculated carefully to avoid repeating the same experience, also avoiding the time that would make the baby due around Christmas. Melanie had come along as a welcome surprise, but things were not so easy this time. Months went by, and after a year without results I became less picky about timing and began a course of fertility boosting medication.
We should have bought stock in pregnancy tests that year. I took so many and was disappointed so many times. Every woman in my church seemed to be pregnant but me, and with history of endometriosis in the family I wondered if God would ever answer my prayer. Still, I had one perfect child already, I told my self, it could be much worse. Side effects of the fertility medication were intolerable so that was dropped. And we waited, and I prayed.
New Year's Day 2005 we spent with family, and I was back home alone, while Rob was off to work, when the latest pee-stick finally had a + instead of a --. I was ecstatic! I called everyone immediately, not even waiting to see the doctor first. I was not nearly as sick this time as I had been with Melly, and this baby was crazy active, sometimes seeming like almost having seizures the movement was so fast, so I was sure it was a boy. Ultrasound at 20 weeks proved me wrong.
My water broke at home in the early hours of August 26th, and my mom arrived at our house in a severe thunderstorm to stay with Melanie, who had gone to bed the night before with an unexplained fever. Getting checked into the hospital and into bed I remember crying because I had not had a chance to say goodbye to Melly, and this exciting moment of Mommy leaving for the hospital that she'd waited so long for was happening without her.
I worried that whatever illness was causing Mel's fever would keep her from being able to come see the baby as soon as she was born, and cried because the plan we had rehearsed and anticipated so excitedly would have to be changed. I cried because she might really be sick and I couldn't take care of her. She might have to be kept away from me and the baby for a few days, when all I wanted was to share this with her. And even then, the baby's needs were going to have to come first most of the time and my poor little Melly wouldn't be able to have me when she wanted me and, Oh, how could I be doing this to her!
Katelyn Rose arrived after a fairly routine delivery. Since Rob, as an EMT had been trained for emergency delivery of babies, but had not yet ever done it, the doc stepped aside near the end and supervised Rob in the actual delivery. The look on his face was priceless. Compared to her 9 lb. big sister, at two weeks early, 6 lb. Katelyn was tiny, but perfectly healthy. Melly was not allowed to come that first day, but came to seen her the next day, wearing a surgical mask for protection. She was excited about the attention, but not all that interested in baby Katelyn herself.
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