Power Struggle Stand-Off

We are in the middle of being held hostage by my daughter's unreasonable behavior, and I HATE it!

Katie has had very little homework sent home so far this year, so we haven't had much chance to get into a regular routine for doing it.  Recently she has started to have occasional worksheets, but has been giving me a lot of hassle when it comes to actually sitting down and doing them.  We talked about this with her therapist last week and Kate said she was embarrassed and ashamed of herself to have me call her on it and promised to do better, understanding that she needs to get her work out of the way first thing before doing other activities at night.

But today she came home and immediately got resistant when I asked if she has homework.  I don't mind giving them a little bit of time to unwind when they first get home from school, so I told her she could watch one episode of one of her shows, but then it was time for work.  She has watched the show, but now refuses to take out the homework.  Threw herself on the floor, rolling around saying, "I won't, I won't" and getting herself all worked up.  

Then she tried to claim that Ms Katie had told her whenever she was feeling upset she could just play a game with me to help her calm down.  I told her that wasn't meant for this type of situation, but she has been laying on the floor refusing to work until I play a game.  I said I'd be happy to play a game when the homework is done, but not before.  We are at a stalemate, as she says she is happy to lay there on the floor until I play a game, and I clearly am not going to give in and play any games until the homework is done, if then.  

Just now she ramped up the tantrum even more, screaming so she can't even hear the instructions I'm trying to give her.  So I yelled once, to get her attention and tell her to listen to what I'm saying, but now she is screaming and carrying on that she's scared of me because I yelled.  I am at my wit's and and want to pull my hair out, or thrash her within an inch of her life, so I said she needed to go to her room and be away from me right now.  She's currently in the bedroom screaming about how much I hate her and no one cares about her.  I hate this kind of situation when there is nothing I can do, just feeling hostage to my own child.

Afraid of men?

I've just noticed lately that Katie has an anxiety about certain men.  At least 2 different mornings when I've driven her to the bus stop and she started to open the door to get out, she held back and actually got back in the car to wait until one man walking by got past us the one time, and a man out jogging passed us the other time.  Both of those gentlemen happened to be African-American. 

There has never been any prejudice in our home about African-Americans, or any other ethnicities.  Throughout all her school years her classes have always been at least 50% minorities and it has never seemed to phase her.  She has never mentioned the ethnicity of any of her friends, as if she doesn't even notice.  Then yesterday when we went to the store I sent her around the corner to hold one of the hall doors open for us coming through with our hands full.  After a minute I heard, "Mommy?" in a voice of concern, and as I came around the corner saw that a Latino man was coming through the door she was holding open and she was pressing herself back as far away from him as possible. 

This is an interesting contrast from the way she she sometimes acts around other men whose attention she seems to crave.  I've often been concerned about her lack of boundaries with other men at times, since I know it can make her vulnerable to be preyed upon when she craves male attention so much.  Something that merits more observation and discussion...