Had an episode this afternoon that felt like we were right back to where we were two years ago. Katie came home from school and immediately demanded that I put on a particular DVD. The show I was watching was not quite over, so I told her it would be her turn in 10 minutes. She was not happy with that answer and began fussing and yelling at me, so she was escorted to her room (not very gently I'm afraid, I admit I got mad in a hurry). She continued to scream and carry on while I watched the remainder of my show. I wanted to just leave her to work it out and settle herself down, but I could hear things crashing and being thrown, so I went in to try to talk to her and keep her from doing any actual damage.
I went in and sat down without saying anything to her. She glowered at me and made a show of tearing up a piece of paper and throwing the tiny bits as far as she could, then picked up some toys and started throwing them around. OT taught us that deep pressure touch and joint compressions can help to calm her body down and reset the switch, so to speak, on her level of arousal. I told Katie it was not ok to throw things in her room, that she needed to control her body, and that I would help her if she was unable to do it on her own. When she chose to continue throwing things and yelling at me, I took her into my lap and held her in sort of a bear hug to provide some of that calming pressure.
She cried and threatened to do every naughty thing she could think of, "I am never going to settle down!" "I am going to break all my crayons in little pieces all over the room!" "I am never brushing my teeth again!" etc, etc. and I just held her silently. I told her I would talk to her when she was under control, and then just waited, all the time wondering if I was doing the right thing.
This hug was meant to provide that deep pressure and joint compression, but I know there have also been times and places when it can be argued that a restraining hold on a child can be abusive. That certainly wasn't my intention, I just really wanted to calm her overwrought system. There are autism spectrum kids who are rolled up in mats, or pressed with large pillows as part of their OT, and Temple Grandin's squeeze machine was created for this very purpose, so I thought this should be ok.
I don't even remember how she eventually wound down. I tried to get her to try some deep breathing with me, but it only made her mad and she says she can't do it when I'm trying to show her how, that I should leave the room and let her do it by herself. The storm was calmed enough by then that I agreed to do that. The whole thing had lasted half an hour.
I left the room exhausted and discouraged that we were back to having those kind of melt downs again. I had thought we were doing better. Disappointed with the way I'd handled the whole thing, feeling like I should be able to manage this better by now, that I should have been able to calm it down faster. I still have so much to learn.
