FIRE!

The fire alarm went off in our building today.  Thankfully it wasn't so loud and alarming as some I've heard, so the sound itself didn't bother Katie.  I didn't smell any smoke or feel any heat, but as it continued for more than just a couple minutes (as it might if they were testing the system or something) I decided we should be better safe than sorry and we left the building.  That's when Katie's alarm went off.  The alarm was much louder in the hallway, and the fact that we were actually leaving our home and getting out of the building was very unsettling to her.   When we got outside there didn't seem to be anything visibly wrong.  Very few other people had come out.  I was going to call the rental office and see if they could tell us if it was a drill or something, but quickly realized I'd forgotten my phone inside.  We instead drove over to the office and went in to inquire.  

The lady there said someone had seen one of the electrical boxes smoking and called the fire department.  Just then a maintenance man comes running in looking for a key and says, "They've got a fire over there! Have you called the fire department?"  So clearly this was no drill or test, there was an actual fire and we could not return home.  When Katie heard this she really started to panic.  The fact that we were out safely wasn't enough, she was terrified that our apartment would burn up with all of our things in it and she was very upset.  I held her and tried to reassure her that everything was going to be ok.  It had to be a fairly small fire and they were already on top of it, so I was pretty sure we wouldn't suffer any damage.  There was no smoke to be seen or anything.  But the idea that it was there at all, in our building was just too much for her.

We decided to go to her favorite new library to wait it out and distract her.  I really wished I'd grabbed by phone to let my mom know what was going on and to find out when it was safe to come back.  But I checked an hour later and it had been given the all clear, so we returned to an undamaged apartment.

Bitter Disappointment

Katie's class is taking a field trip to Como zoo on the last day of school and she begged me to sign up to be a chaperone.  She was so psyched to have me coming with her class and couldn't wait to show me to her friends. But today Melanie brought home a paper inviting me to the 5th Grade Graduation at school on the same date and time.  Obviously the graduation is a big deal for Mel, so I will definitely be there, and that means no zoo.  Just broke the news to Katie and she absolutely lost it.  Threw herself on the floor, writhing in agony/hysteria.  "NO! NO! This can't be happening! This can't be happening to me! I'm gonna die! I just wanna die!!" and such.  Poor Melanie burst into tears and fled to her room to get away from Katie's screaming.  I left Kate rolling on the floor and went to comfort Melanie.  She was hurt that Katie always seems to have things her way and doesn't care about anything that's important to Melanie.   Hurt that there should even be any question of my not attending her graduation.  She definitely gets the short end of the stick a lot of the time when we have to cater to Kate's needs and she is such a trooper for dealing with it as well as she does.  I let her know there was no way I'd miss her graduation and that I am very proud of her.

Reliance on Medication

Got a call from Katie's teacher this morning because Kate told her she'd forgotten to take her pill this morning.  I let the teacher know that we hadn't actually forgotten the meds, but had decided to take her off of it because it seemed to be making her more nutty than usual.  I spoke to Katie to and reminded her we'd talked about this and she remembered.

Half an hour later though the teacher was calling again because Kate was getting really worked up about not having had a pill.  She was convinced she couldn't function for the day without it.  So I went to school to give her one more just so she could get through the day, and then Dad can deal with her over the holiday weekend!

No more Adderall!

Kate has been so worried about going up to Rob's again for the holiday weekend, so I called Mary to talk with her about some of Katie's concerns.  Mentioned to her how Kate has still been on a crazy emotional roller coaster the last two weeks.  She said she and Rob had noticed the same when she was last with them and that this is exactly how her older son reacted when he was started on Adderall.  Apparently it is known to really intensify emotions and create huge mood swings. Mary's been through a lot of medication trial and error with her son, so I know she really knows what she's saying, and it confirmed what I had been feeling myself. So, no more Adderall!  I called and made a new appointment with the doctor so we can get her switched to something else ASAP.

Kate was hysterical about something else after school so I talked to her about how I'd decided this kind of medicine just wasn't the right one for her and that I thought it was actually making some of her worrying worse.  She agreed and was happy to hear there were other things we can try.

Can't go on like this!

Well, I guess school work is going much better, but we are an absolute mess at home.  She come in the door crying after school and is freaked out and worried about everything under the sun.  

The other night there was a parent's night at school and she was hysterical in tears because she was so worried that I would be disappointed with her for not finishing coloring the sky on her picture today.  Once I assured her that I would not be unhappy with her for anything at school she started in about how worried she is about summer. "Oh, woe is me, summer is just so hot and I just get so hot so fast and I just can't stand it!" type stuff, only in serious distress! Sobbing and wailing like her dog had just died or something!! 

She hasn't slept the night in her own bed for over a week now.  She's scared of everything!  Last night  she said she couldn't stop thinking about the zombie movie her step-brothers "made" her watch that was too scary. Nightmares, noises, you name it, she's worried about it.  She seems to think she has to have actual skin-to-skin contact with me at all times or she panics like a toddler with separation anxiety.  Even when she's sleeping with me, she's whimpering in her sleep! This is not working.

First Twins Game

Melanie's All-District Choir was singing the national Anthem at the Twins game tonight.  Quite an honor! This was the first Twins game for both of my girls, and my first time at the new stadium.  Kate was over-the-moon excited!  We had seats directly behind home plate, but very high up, and she was very nervous about walking up the steep steps to get to them. We both felt a bit dizzy at first being up so high, and looking down so far, so steeply. 

She thoroughly enjoyed the first 4 innings, but then started to get whiny.  She really wanted me to buy her a hat, but they are crazy expensive there and I said no, so she fussed and pouted.  Then she realized that the cameras showing people in the stands didn't seem to be showing people way up at  the top, so she wouldn't be able to be on TV, and that was the last straw.  She declared that this was not as fun as she thought it was going to be and she was sooo disappointed, and the only thing that could stop her crying would be a hat or being on TV.  She was "sooo bored", but absolutely did not want to leave early. We held in through the 7th inning and then left to get ahead of the crowds.  

She griped and groaned all the way to the car and fussed and cried all the way home, talking about how she always has such "bad luck", that her friends give her "bad luck" and nothing she does ever turns out good, and it never will.  She feels her "senses" make it too hard for her to go to school and she just wishes she could be "normal".  

She looks at the other kids and wonders what it's like to be "normal" like them.  My mom was with us and told her she needed to start thinking positively and not be determined to be miserable, but Katie only grunted at her.  SO, frustrating and exhausting to spend a big, special night trying to have a good time together, which she really did for a while, only to have her weep and moan later that it was not good enough.  I know it was partially because she was so over tired, but it's still hard to listen to her agrue that everything is awful and nothing can make it any better.

Terror in the night

Poor Katelyn had the very worst scare of her life (and she has lots of scares!) in the wee hours of this morning.  I heard her go to the bathroom and go back into her room.  Then there was a strangled sort of scream and she started screeching for me.  I went in to see what was wrong and she said, "The window! There's words on the window!."  Sure enough, through the glow of the nighttime light you could clearly read, "U will die!" written on the window with someone's finger sometime when the window had been foggy. When she came back in her room it was directly in her eye line, and she can read now, so she understood immediately!  She was absolutely out of her mind terrified, wouldn't even walk past the window to go into my room to sleep. I have to admit, it was awfully creepy in the middle of the night, even though I knew it had to have been Melanie and not any sort of ghoul.

She came in my bed, but was so shook up she couldn't settle down and go back to sleep, just tossed and turned and whimpered.  About 2 hours later she screams again, certain she saw something moving in my open closet. I convince her there's nothing, but she is back on high alert again. Maybe half an hours later an absolutely blood curdling scream as she sat bolt upright in the bed, grabbing for me.  "Turn on the light! Turn on the light!"  then  "I heard a voice!! There was a really deep voice talking to me!!"

She was absolutely, terrified and convinced she'd heard something and I just didn't believe her.  She sat wide-eyed and trembling, looking all around, and couldn't even stand to lay down again, being in total fight-or-flight mode and feeling too vulnerable if she lay down.  

When she finally could lay down again she was stiff and trembling, and plastered herself to me.  She insisted we keep the light on and was afraid to try to go back to sleep in case she had more bad thoughts.  To take her mind off it, I tried to get her to think about the Twins game we're going to tonight, her first. Talked her through visualizing walking in the gates and finding our seats, seeing all the people and smelling the foods.  That finally helped, she got on a roll talking about it, and then kept talking. I let her keep talking to keep her mind occupied and she finally fell asleep around 6 am.  I was going to let her sleep in and go to school late if she stayed asleep, but she popped up about 7:30 and was eager to get ready for the day.  Hopefully her meds will carry her through most of the day before she collapses of exhaustion.  Don't know what to expect for the game tonight.